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| hey MISSION TEAM 2007.... let's not forget our committment, passion, and broken hearts for Spirit Lake, North Dakota:
I'm included.....
Pray for the people we have met, and for the Reservation... let's not forget...
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| Tired... feet hurt, but its ok. I'm watching "Man Vs. Wild" and the dude was so dehydrated he had to drink his own pee.... that's a true baller.
and Juno is sexy.
and I wish kids would stop being mean to me (esp. judith) | | |
| Lately, I have felt this tension, this great conflict. It's a feeling of guilt yet at the same time anger. It has to do with several issues but it kinda boils down to this one thing. I am deathly worried over the Korean American church in Chicago.
Of course God is sovereign, and there are righteous and humble people who are working toward expanding Christ's kingdom. But when I look at the landscape of the Korean American church, 1st and 2nd generation, I feel at a loss.
Pride, arrogance, status... these were things I hated about the 1st generation church. I often remember stories I would hear from my parents about fighting and bickering between church members. I have seen lawsuits, heard of monetary corruption, blackmail all within my own church over the past 5 years. While I thought we were just messed up, it was not the case, and many if not all churches in the area experienced similar things. But why?
My mom thinks there are no more good leaders, and that humility is lacking. My father believes its just because humans are messed up, and only God is perfect. When I was younger, I could look at our parents mistakes and take solace in the idea that it was just that, their mistakes. But pride is older than the world itself, how stupid to think we could run away from it! I used to think, we'll never be like our parents who care so much about being an elder or deacon or having the power or being first in line to eat at church or having everyone pay their respect to you.
So with hope, I looked to help form the future through the youth in my church, just like the other 200 some 1st generation immigrant churches in the Chicagoland area. But i look to my youth group student's futures and I become sad as well. What do they have to look forward to?
COllege ministries are trying their hardest to create workers for the great harvest, to respond to the great call. New Young Adult churches have been established and created to cater to this new generation. It is unmarked waters for all of us Korean American Christians in Chicago. Yet, talking to my brother and cousin, two fathers in their late 30's, they have no church to attend. How could this be? What happened to the young adult churches that were established when they were in their 20's? They have disappated, fallen apart, broken through the same sins of our fathers: pride, arrogance. Yet, a new sin has arisen which may been even deadlier, complacency and desire for security. They both hoped to find great communities, a local family of God to place their roots into, to serve, and see their children grow, but those efforts have failed.
I wonder about the future of my youth students. When they go to college, will they remain in the faith? When they leave college, what place will there be for them in my own small, little-resources church? Will they find a new church that can cater to their needs? Is that what God wants?
I think about my own future. WHere will I be? Will i find a place?
But I really wonder at is God pleased with us? Is a church of just 20 something's what God intended for a local "church"? Is it really okay to cut oneself off from a whole generation of those older and younger because we need to be around those our own age in our own places in life? i really wonder because I confess I crave it as well. But what about the halmonees that took care of us and prayed for us at 5am? What about the elders of our churches who beared the financial burdens so that we could grow in our faiths when we were younger? What about the little children who put smiles on all our faces when we saw them play in the church lawn, gym, or parking lots? Is it good to isolate ourselves from these brothers and sisters in the faith, and for what? For autonomy? to make our own choices? to free us from the sins of the past? to focus our worship, preaching, and small group styles for our age groups? to be able to grow in a place where we feel most comfortable?
I may sound judgmental, but it is only because I sincerely do not know what is right. Maybe there isn't a right answer, but only we can do the best we can in this imperfect world to follow Christ. But when I read from 1 Peter 5, and the letters to Timothy, the command and need for inter-generational love and respect, i wonder if we are really hurting ourselves by dismissing the wisdom of the 1st generation, and the energy of the generation to come. I also wonder what will happen to my generation when they start to have kids of their own, start to have families, and when the churches must adapt. I bet we will find ourselves looking much like our own parents. History often repeats itself, especially when we don't look to reconcile with it.
But who am I ? Im a young, inexperienced Christian at best. So i only offer up my prayers and concerns to the one who can really do anything about it, Jesus. But I do know that the local Korean American church is struggling here where I live. And i often think, if we are truly to be followers of Christ, to follow the example of Paul as written in his letters, if suffering, self-sacrifice, loving others and serving others before oneself are hallmarks of our faith... then I can do nothing else but give my life to those who need it most, to help build and edify NOT THE NEW UP and COMING CHURCH, but the church that struggles to survive. Is not the harvest that is to be collected not those who we feel comfortable or the environment where we grow the best, but in places where they need the WORD the most? I think its in these times, in times of self-sacrifice, in placing the needs of others before ourselves, having to rely on the Holy Spirit, is when we truly grow in our relationship with Christ and really worship not with songs but with our lives. Accountability, fellowship, community are such important things, and soemtimes I really don't know how to make this work for people my age in the 1st gen. church. But aren't we selling God short by thinking it can't? But its so hard too... when there is no feeding, no specific shepherd, no catering to our needs. Sometimes, the effort is just too much. Again, looking at the situation, I'm at a loss of word. I simply do not know.
I dont know... Im' not holy, Im' not expert, I'm just a young idiot. I don't really know anything. But from everything I have learned, read from God's word, seen through the eyes of my heart opened by the Spirit, at least for me, my life is not meant for security, comfort, accumulation of possessions and status, wealth.... but it is meant for love, worship, and sacrifice to serve the Lord who redeemed me. I wish I could do it better, and often I tire and think its not worth it... but then I am reminded, often by a youth student in such little ways, that my life was never mine anyways, and with that in mind, I do not mind being poured out for Christ.
I'm 25 now, I pray by the time I'm 35, we may all be drastically closer in knowing, understanding, and following what God wants from the Korean American church in Chicago on a systematic level. May God bring reconciliation, love, and peace to the fulness of Christ on earth, the church. | | |
| Instead of going back to when I was in that picture below... can i just go back to being dave... or lee... and start all over? I just wish i could start over...
on a brighter note, check out david crowder band's new music video.... they are truly weird... i guess its okay to be weird and christian... which gives me hope, except that i'm so sinful too.
http://music.msn.com/search/all/?ss=foreverandever&ssearch=Search+site | | |
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